Karen March Counselling & Therapy Services

KAREN MARCH
M.Soc.Sc.(Counselling),
MACA(Professional)

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Questions for keeping your life on track
Part 2 - The second 5 questions

As promised, here are the other five questions following on from the previous blog entry.They complete the checklist for evaluating where you are right now in your life and provide you with a starting point for the inspiration, personal insight and change that you may be seeking.

You may discover that what was important to you at one stage of your life is no longer your focus. This is a natural part of personal growth and development, and this realisation may happen at any stage of your life, and possibly more than once.

You may also find that the questions affirm that you are already doing the right things to keep your life on track. This questioning process is still useful as it will reinforce your choices and priorities.

Write these questions in a journal or somewhere that you can access easily. During times when you feel you have lost your direction or focus, ask yourself one or two of these questions. They may help to highlight an area of your life that needs attention:

1. WHAT DO I CHOOSE TO FOCUS ON?

   I use the word "choose" here because we do choose where, and on what, we place our attention. Ruminating on negative events in our past, or on regrets and resentment, can take our focus away from the present and sap our energy. Thought processes and preferences can become habitual and we may even be unaware that we are spending so much of our mental capacity on things that do not enhance our life. The following proverb is an apt illustration of how our thoughts can influence our path:
   
   "Watch your Thoughts, for they become your Words.
   Watch your Words, for they become your Actions
   Watch your Actions, for they become your Habits.
   Watch your Habits, for they become your Character.
   Watch your Character, for it becomes your Destiny."

2. . HOW AM I USING MY STRENGTHS?

   We all have personal strengths which can be expressed in a myriad of different ways. If we are willing to be open to experience, we can even find abilities that we didn't realise we had. Make a list of your areas of strength, your abilities and your skills, and consider how you are giving them expression in your daily life. Remember that you are unique and don't minimise your strengths by comparing them to those of other people. By taking opportunities to express your strengths, you are affirming your own self-worth. It could be anything from creating a beautiful garden, starting a group for people with common interests, to writing a book or starting a business. The fulfilment you get from expressing and using your strengths will have a significant impact on personal fulfilment and contentment.

3. WHAT AM I HOLDING ON TO THAT I NO LONGER NEED?

   You may simply need to cull some clothes or shoes you don't wear, get rid of that collection of magazines that you never look at, or make a decision on those salvage items you've collected in case you can use them. Having a clean-out can be incredibly cathartic. Simplifying our possessions can seem to simplify our life by ridding ourselves of unnecessary clutter. Giving them to someone who may actually put them to good use, is an additional feel-good bonus. Clearing out material things in our life can leave room for considering the mental baggage we may no longer need.
   Are you still holding on to old regrets, resentments, disappointments, and perceived failures? Are there beliefs and expectations that are no longer relevant to your current life? Do you find yourself responding in ways that you know aren't useful to you or those around you? Do you feel that your behaviour is working against where you want to be in your present life?
   

4. ARE THE PEOPLE I SPEND TIME WITH, GOOD FOR ME?

   The people we spend time with can have a profound effect on our well-being, for better or for worse. As social beings, we are understandably influenced by those around us. We gauge a sense of who we are by what we see reflected back to us from others. Are your friendships reciprocal and rewarding? Are your closer relationships affirming, supportive and satisfying? Are there people around you who are inspiring and encouraging? Do you value your friendships and do they value you?
   

5. IF I COULD WAKE UP TOMORROW AND ONE THING IN MY LIFE HAD CHANGED FOR THE BETTER, WHAT WOULD IT BE?

   Asking this question helps us to prioritise what is important to us. By identifying what isn't right in our life, what we are not happy with, what is holding us back, or what we would like to change about ourselves, we can then formulate a plan of action to address the very thing that will improve the quality of our life. Remember, "If you change nothing, nothing will change."