Karen March Counselling & Therapy Services

KAREN MARCH
M.Soc.Sc.(Counselling),
MACA(Professional)

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Think of the tree that best survives storms. Deep roots are not enough. It must also be able to bend and flex in a storm. So it is with us. We need some flexibility of thinking to deal effectively with the unexpected twists and turns of life.

In fact, some degree of psychological inflexibility is always at the core of problems with mental wellbeing and happiness.

Why are some people inflexible?

Inflexible thinking is often learned from our family of origin. The way our parents react to unexpected change, can influence our own responses during our formative and later years.

Certain life experiences can also leave us vulnerable to any change. We may develop rigid views and specific expectations in order to control our environment, which in turn makes us feel more secure.

Yet it is unrealistic to expect people, circumstances and outcomes to be 100% predictable.

What are the signs of inflexible thinking?

Do you ruminate on painful memories and past events? Do you find yourself worrying excessively about the future, about something that has not yet happened?
If the answer to either question is yes, then rumination is keeping your head stuck in the past or in the future. The present falls through the cracks.

Are you fused to certain thoughts, with beliefs, expectations and attitudes which are difficult to justify and really serve no positive purpose for you?

Are you avoiding certain situations that seem to trigger thinking about the problem? Do you choose to ignore, fight, by-pass or actively refuse to acknowledge certain emotions, memories and thoughts?
If so, you are unwittingly giving the problem greater power and allowing it to limit your actions and depower you. As Carl Jung said, "What we resist, persists".

Are you attached to a particular identity you have chosen for yourself?
Self-expectations will limit your options because you believe who you are today, is fixed and unchangeable.

Do you know what is really important for you?
Take time to clarify the values that are important to you. They will provide the compass that helps you make important decisions, guide your behaviours and increase your sense of purpose.

Do you keep responding and behaving in ways that are counter-productive to the life you want?
Psychological inflexibility is self-defeating and unhelpful. It is accompanied by habitual behaviour patterns that are often impulsive and reactive.

Simple ways to increase your psychological flexibility

Try to learn something new every day. It doesn't have to be complicated or big

Make a point of doing or saying something differently every week. Again, it doesn't have to be a major variation. Just a small change in your routine can be enough to stimulate pathways in the brain that aren't usually activated in your habitual behaviours

Try different activities. Go for a bike ride instead of a walk, read a book on a topic outside of your normal choice, choose to spend time with your partner instead of doing a chore that can wait, or put your hand up to take on a new task at work

Occasionally take yourself to the edge of your comfort zone, or even just out of it. How do you know what you're capable of if you don't try?

If you naturally take a pessimistic viewpoint on some things, deliberately take an optimistic stance and consider what that looks like for a moment

Try to imagine what things might look or feel like from your partner's/your friend's/your colleague's/a stranger's perspective.

Challenge your internal statements and beliefs. If any of your sentences include the word "should", it is likely that it's coming from your personal belief and not a universal rule

Try to generate more than one explanation to yourself for why things did or didn't happen, or why someone may or may not have done something. Do the same when evaluating your own behaviours.

Karen March Aldinga Medical Surgery 17 Old Coach Road, Aldinga SA 5173
Mobile: 0409169115 Email: karmar@chariot.net.au

ABN 51440 722 091