Karen March Counselling & Therapy Services

KAREN MARCH
M.Soc.Sc.(Counselling),
MACA(Professional)

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Questions for keeping your life on track
Part 1 - The first 5 questions

At any point in our life, we may feel unsettled, as if something is missing and we can't quite define it.

Often there is a sense that we are not entirely happy with ourselves and feel that we have missed opportunities, not developed our potentials, lost ourselves in the lives of others, or that a sense of meaning is eluding us.

The following questions provide a powerful starting point to examine and evaluate where we are in our lives at the present moment, and whether we are in line with where we want to be heading:

1. WHO AM I BECOMING?

   All the choices we have made have created the life we presently live. They constitute our narrative, our life story. They have contributed to our learning and our social and emotional development. Are you still making the same types of choices, or have your preferences and decisions evolved over time? Are they congruent with the vision you had for your life?

2. IF I COULDN'T FAIL, WHAT WOULD I DO?

   A lack of self-belief and a fear of failure are two culprits that hold many people back in life. An unwillingness to just try and see what we are capable of, means that we have not allowed ourselves to glimpse our own potential and to experience the delight and fulfilment that comes with succeeding. More importantly, we are holding back the full expression of who we are. By allowing ourselves to side-step the notion of failure, we can free ourselves up to experience life more fully, to daydream and imagine what could be.

3. WHAT ARE MY CORE VALUES, AND AM I HONOURING THEM?

   You have formulated your personal values through your own life experiences, your family of origin, and your insights and learnings. Some of our values change over time and others remain fundamentally the same and have informed our past and present thoughts and behaviours. They will also be the scaffolding which will continue to inform our future path. When our lives are not congruent with our values, we can feel discontent, conflicted and compromised, as if we are not living as our authentic selves. For instance, you may be working in a job where you are expected to do things that are at odds with your personal values. You may be in a relationship where your partner has values that conflict with your own. You may find that you are doing something to keep a friendship that doesn't sit well with your sense of what is right or fair. First, identify your core values and write them down. Create a visual symbol for each one that can remind you of your inner compass. This is particularly useful when you are faced with making decisions that may either uphold or compromise your values. For example, a shell can remind you to keep up that beach running for fitness. A photo of a family member can remind you of your priorities. A paint brush or drawing pencil can remind you of your desire for creative expression.

4. WHAT AM I COMPROMISING?

   How often are you over-riding your real feelings and your personal aspirations? Have you settled for the easiest solution, the one that doesn't rock the boat? Sometimes we arrive at a point in our life that we did not envision. If you are allowing difficult people in your life to sap your spirit or unrealistic expectations to drain your energy, then you need to ask this question. Perhaps you are letting things go that are important to your well-being. Taking control of the small things in your life, such as your garden, your routine, your personal organisation, can be the first stepping stone to steering your life in the direction you want it to go.

5. WHAT LEGACY DO I WANT TO LEAVE?

   This is the "big picture" perspective of your life. It's not necessarily something you leave behind after you have departed this world. You can actively contribute to a legacy right now in simple ways such as, establishing supportive family connections and friendships, volunteering, random acts of kindness, seeing through a worthwhile project, or developing a talent that can be shared with others. A word of advice or a moment of understanding given can be a turning point for someone that we never imagined at the time. The roll-on effect can often be beyond our imaginings. Your legacy does not have to be on a grand scale. The smallest contribution can have the most profound effect.