While external influences can broaden our perspective and give us information and inspiration we may not otherwise have, we can also be vulnerable to their negative effects. There is a possibility that we can lose a sense of our own values and preferences, particularly when another person is charismatic or dominating.

Signs that you may be experiencing a negative influence from someone in your life include:

• behaving in ways that are contrary to how you have chosen to behave in the past

• conflicting feelings about your present behaviours, responses, actions

• beginning to doubt your own judgement

• second-guessing your decisions

• feeling discontented and unsure what you want

• making choices that don't sit right with you

• self-doubt regarding your ability to do things, manage things, your independence

• a feeling that you are not being your authentic self

• feelings of anger, anxiousness or disappointment in oneself, associated with the above

1. Be aware of people who are overly persuasive or push their own opinions and values onto you

2. Give yourself time to reflect, away from the external influence

3. Decide whether something is congruent with your values and don't be afraid to decide against it

4. Know that it's OK to have different values to someone else and maintain a tolerance toward this

5. The more things you do that are congruent with your personal values, the stronger your self-awareness and self-knowledge will become. Only you know what really matters to you

Personal values are highly individual and at the core of who we are. It is when those values become compromised that we start to experience problems and internal conflict.

In fact, if you don't take control of your own life, someone else invariably will.

Knowing what is important to you helps to create a meaningful life. This doesn't mean that you will be closed off to other ideas and perspectives. Rather, it will give you a sound framework against which you can reference the myriad of influences that will undoubtedly cross your path. You will be better equipped to choose what fits and what you will discard or ignore.

In our dealings with others, there is one compromise that is too great. We must not become the person we don't wish to be because someone else is not the person they should be.

Karen March Aldinga Medical Surgery 17 Old Coach Road, Aldinga SA 5173
Mobile: 0409169115 Email: karmar@chariot.net.au