Emotional heritage refers to the way you were treated in the past and how such treatment made you feel.

Typically, this experience involves people who were close to you, how they acted when angry, sad, fearful or happy, and what they said or didn't say.

Your family's emotional philosophy, that is, what they felt or believed about the expression of emotion, can continue to be a strong influence throughout your life.

Your emotional heritage affects your awareness of your own emotions, how you choose to express them, and how you go about trying to connect with others.

Additionally, it will profoundly affect how you perceive, interpret and respond to those around you.

For example, the child whose emotional heritage was established in an emotionally dismissive family may find it difficult to understand and connect emotionally with their own future partner or children, their work colleagues and friends

Conversely, they may grow into an adult whose acute need for the emotional connection they never received, stifles their relationships with their neediness.

Families generally fall into four broad emotional philosophies:

• COACHING - acknowledges the expression of all feelings and tends to help one another solve problems, and cope with and regulate difficult emotions

• DISMISSING - keeps their feelings hidden, particularly negative feelings, tends to play down or ignore feelings and offers little guidance for coping

• LAISSEZ-FAIRE - are not against the expression of feelings but are more likely to wait for emotions to pass than to offer specific assistance

• DISAPPROVING - similar to Dismissing families but also express direct hostility or criticism toward those experiencing negative emotion

Enduring vulnerabilities from emotional heritage often involve loss, betrayal, abuse and trauma.

These vulnerabilities will typically show up when we try to form relationships and involve difficulties with trust, affection, control and belonging.

Learning to develop an awareness of your vulnerabilities and emotional heritage can help you to reassess your feelings and responses.

Writing down the vulnerabilities you experience with others, helps to work out where they've come from, separate the past from the present, and question whether they are still necessary.

Karen March Aldinga Medical Surgery 17 Old Coach Road, Aldinga SA 5173
Mobile: 0409169115 Email: karmar@chariot.net.au