Karen March Counselling & Therapy Services

KAREN MARCH
M.Soc.Sc.(Counselling),
MACA(Professional)

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In a counselling session, it is common for clients to suddenly be overcome with emotion when they begin to talk, irrespective of gender.

They are often taken aback by the flood of tears or the anger that erupts without warning. They thought they had dealt with these emotions and did not expect them to surface during the session.

However, rather than viewing this as a dysfunction, the emotions are in fact a useful sign.

They are an outward manifestation of the person's internal world. They are testimony to the underlying feelings that may not have been acknowledged and worked through as well as the person had thought.

A tendency to "get on with things" can mean that we bury thoughts and feelings so we can appear functional and in control of our life. We have obligations and expectations to meet. We don't give ourselves permission to spend any time with difficult emotions, instead pushing them down and out of sight where we think they won't interfere with our daily functions.

But unacknowledged feelings have a habit of re-surfacing unexpectedly and in dysfunctional ways that can profoundly affect our relationships, our work, our sleep and our personal happiness.

Perhaps there is an alternative somewhere in the middle of the coping spectrum, between wallowing and total suppression.

Acknowledging, understanding and accepting our internal experiences can actually free us from being consumed and controlled by them. Facing them allows us to acknowledge our human-ness and to address the reasons behind troubling emotions.

You may be so good at burying your feelings, you may no longer realise that they are still there deep down. You may also be unable to link these long-held emotions with the difficult responses and behaviours that you see yourself exhibiting.

How do you know if you have been using emotional suppression as a means of coping?
Common indicators are:

Reluctance or refusal to talk about the issue that has caused the feelings, as a way to avoid experiencing difficult emotions
Using distraction to keep emotional distance and avoid facing the feelings
Avoiding certain situations, people and things that remind you of emotions you don't want to feel
Frequent use of substances to escape or numb the painful feelings
Loss of interest in things you previously enjoyed
Difficulty sleeping due to unpleasant dreams, intense emotions that surface when you begin to relax, and trouble switching off
Marked increase in relationship conflict
Frequent tiredness, scattered thinking or brain fog
Distancing from friends, initiated by you or them
Emotional highs and lows, unpredictable outbursts and volatile reactions that are out of proportion with the trigger

Emotions such as anger, sadness, and despair need a safe outlet; an opportunity to express and examine the feelings and their possible cause. Healthy expression is like letting the cork out a little bit and helps to diffuse their intensity.

One psychological study from Harvard School of Public Health and the University of Rochester indicated that while emotional suppression had significantly adverse effects on mental health, that there is also a physical toll on your body. Results of the study showed an increased risk of dying from certain forms of cancer and heart disease, and an increased incidence of high blood pressure and diabetes.

It has also been suggested that our immune system may become compromised.

The health risks increase, the longer the emotional suppression has existed, it seems. Our natural human response of fight-or-flight is stymied by the suppression and the negative feelings have nowhere to go but to remain contained in the psyche.

Finding an outlet for emotional release may be the only way to protect us from further damage and to allow us to live without the burden of contained emotion. And it can begin simply by a willingness to talk about it.

Karen March Aldinga Medical Surgery 17 Old Coach Road, Aldinga SA 5173
Mobile: 0409169115 Email: karmar@chariot.net.au

ABN 51440 722 091