Karen March Counselling & Therapy Services

KAREN MARCH
M.Soc.Sc.(Counselling),
MACA(Professional)

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Being kind to yourself increases your chances of coping with set-backs, surviving major crises, improving relationships, and increasing personal happiness and resilience.

The focus for feeling good about ourselves has commonly been on Self-esteem. However, maintaining a high self-esteem can lead to narcissism, self-absorption, self-righteous anger, superiority and discrimination.

Self-compassion, on the other hand, achieves the same benefits without the associated drawbacks.

Kindness or compassion towards oneself is not to be confused with self-pity. Rather it is simply recognising, for example, that "this is difficult" or "this hurts", and offering yourself the same heart-felt wish for the suffering to lessen, that you would to a valued friend.

There are three components to Self-compassion:

Self kindness - choosing to be gentle and understanding with oneself rather than critical and judgemental
Recognising our common humanity - acknowledging a connectedness with others in the experience of life, rather than feeling isolated or alienated by one's suffering
Mindfulness - striving to hold our experience in balanced awareness, rather than ignoring and suppressing, or exaggerating our pain

Learning to treat yourself kindly can silence the inner critic that tells you you are less than perfect, that is resistant to forgiveness, and feeds self-loathing.
The first step is changing your critical self-talk. Some people like to use journaling while others prefer internal dialogues:

Notice when you are being self-critical. Note what you say and the tone of your inner voice. Are there key phrases that you commonly use? Does the voice remind you of anyone in your past?
Make a conscious effort to soften the self-critical voice but resist being judgemental of the inner critic.
Reframe your inner critic's observations by imagining what a kind family member or friend would say to you in this situation. Relaxed physical posture, the presence of a loved pet, or a conducive natural environment can intensify positive effects.

Karen March Aldinga Medical Surgery 17 Old Coach Road, Aldinga SA 5173
Mobile: 0409169115 Email: karmar@chariot.net.au

ABN 51440 722 091