Karen March Counselling & Therapy Services

KAREN MARCH
M.Soc.Sc.(Counselling),
MACA(Professional)

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Copyright ©Karen March Counselling & Therapy Services 2012. All rights reserved. Website by Karmar Website Design

Ten Steps to Happiness

1. HATE LESS, LOVE MORE

   Choose not to waste energy on negative feelings towards others. Hate leads to rumination, resentment and anger, all of which are not only detrimental to our psychological health but also our physical health and well-being. Compassion and love leads to lasting happiness, peace and contentment, and contribute a sense of meaning to life.

2. WORRY LESS, DANCE MORE

   Worrying about something and taking no action to relieve the worry is akin to experiencing fear with no possibility for "flight" or "fight". Worry that is contained or trapped within, can be actively relieved by physical movement. Activity such as walking, running, swimming or dancing helps to expend nervous energy and has a positive effect on mood through the release of endorphins and the relaxation of tension. Bodily movement also refocuses our attention to the moment and is an ideal Mindfulness strategy.

3. TAKE LESS, GIVE MORE

   We can think that we'd be happier if things just came to us and we didn't have to work so hard to get it. If we could just acquire those things we really want, we will feel fulfilled and content but we fail to realize that they will be replaced with something else as soon as we've got it. One carrot turns into another, and another. Giving, on the other hand, is a gift that keeps on giving. The pleasure we derive from making someone else happy is more profound and long-lasting. It can a tangible or an intangible gift, such as giving your time. We find we relive the same good feeling whenever we think of it in the future. This is particularly so when we give something that is vital to the well-being of another

4. CONSUME LESS, CREATE MORE

   In this consumer world, it is easy to mindlessly use what is ready at hand without thinking about whether it is good for us, good for the environment, good for the welfare of others or whether we are wasting vital resources. We can rely too much on the ingenuity of other people and our own capacity to create is never explored. Creativity is one the highest expressions of human potential. The sense of satisfaction, efficacy and surprise that comes with creating things is motivating and fulfilling and keeps our sense of wonder alive.

5. FROWN LESS, SMILE MORE

   We can become so weighed down by worries, negativity and obligations that we don't realize that our facial expression is reflecting our thoughts. In turn, our expression can make us appear unapproachable to others. The act of smiling has a recognised cognitive effect. Smiling lightens our spirits and promotes a positive connection with those around us, even strangers. Have you ever noticed when you have continued to smile after the reason for smiling has passed and a perfect stranger responded to your expression by smiling back at you?

6. TALK LESS, LISTEN MORE

   Spending a bit more time listening instead of talking can mean we are more likely to learn more, understand more and give ourselves time to give considered and balanced responses. There are things to be learned in the quiet spaces between talking. Talking less and listening more means we are giving someone else the space to speak, which can enrich our relationships.

7. FEAR LESS, TRY MORE

   It has been said that we generally don't regret the things we did, we regret the things we did not do. Fear is a natural survival instinct which can keep us safe but it ceases to be functional if it holds us back from experiencing life and all the wonderful opportunities it has to offer. Courage to try something new keeps us engaged and vital, and there is nothing quite like the buzz we get from trying something new and succeeding. It increases self-confidence and self-esteem, and opens up a whole world of dreams and possibilities for us.

8. JUDGE LESS, ACCEPT MORE

   It is easy to sit back and become an arm-chair critic of others and life in general. But the arm-chair critic is often not a happy person. They tend to be commentators on life but shy away from real-life experience and the risks that involvement in real life requires. People who are hyper-critical of others, are often hyper-critical of themselves. Finding it easier to find fault with others than with themselves, they use external judgements to deflect their attention from their own inner critic. Critics have a hard time disguising their judgemental tendencies. Acceptance allows us to let go, frees us from having impossibly high expectations of others and gives us the permission to be imperfect. A nice by-product is that we become a more likeable person and our friendships and relationships will be stronger as a result.

9. WATCH LESS, DO MORE

   Perpetual watchers are often afraid of trying for fear of failure, looking silly or incompetent, or just lack trust in their own abilities. The trap is that this is a vicious cycle; without "doing" we cannot learn what we are truly capable of. Doing more means we stand to achieve more. Being actively involved in life means you will make the most of opportunities that come your way. Watching is the first step, but "doing" is the experience. Get engaged in life and your sense of purpose will increase ten-fold

10. COMPLAIN LESS, APPRECIATE MORE

    There is a greater awareness of the value of gratitude. The act of complaining means that we are not happy about something. Serial complainers tend to have a "half glass empty" view of life. The more they complain, they more they find to complain about. Look for the exceptions in your life. People often focus on the things that have not been so good, and fail to recognise the good things in their lives as they don't fit the narrative that they have preferred to focus on. For most people, it is possible to find three things each day (no matter how small), that they can be grateful for. Looking on the black side is a learned habit. A habit can be changed once it is recognised and your life will be the richer for it.